Be Rational

"Stop being so fucking irrational!" she yelled at me, "Yes, you need to get out of the house, but NO you do not need to recklessly drive to a guy hours away who you just met a week ago! You may think you like him that much, but think about it. Think!" her voice took a gentler tone. "You're lonely. I know. I'm sorry. But please, please, please think about what you are considering. If you manage to drive all the way up there, without getting terribly lost, and it isn't what you wanted or expected, you'll be disappointed. He may not be the prince charming you are imagining him to be."

I kept silent, mulling over everything she said. She was my best friend in the world and knew me best, sometimes even better than I did myself. I could always count on her to set me right if I ever strayed, to make me laugh if I was ever depressed. She was everything I wish I could be: strong, confident, self-assured, and spoke her mind easily without any regard to what people thought. "You're right," I finally replied. "I am being irrational. But where should I go to get out of the house? I have been stuck here alone for a week, I'm going crazy from it, and I still have one more week to go. Yes, I need to think about how much I like this guy to even consider driving to him. But I know that if I think about it too much, I'll find so many things wrong, and then I'll start to think that maybe I don't like him. I can never let my heart speak for me because I am always using my head to figure it all out." I paused, "Besides, I am pretty sure I won't be going anyway. He's in the middle of moving right now. I don't think he has a job, but he could still be busy with something. Call it what you want, but everyone is always too busy for me because I don't have a job or a life."

"God, you're such a pessimist sometimes."

"That's all you're going to say about that?"

"Yeah, why? What do you want me to say?"

"Well you were just telling me to think about it, and I did, and now you're calling me a pessimist for doing what you told me. Oh yeah...and yes, I may just be imagining my own prince charming, but I know he's isn't one. I can't help it if I imagine things that MAY happen. If they don't I could be disappointed, but I know that they are just figments of my imagination. It's all I have and it hurts. It hurts because they are just in my head when I wish they were real. I hate waking up everyday to have reality bitch slap me in the face, laughing, and telling me that what I dream will never come true. Can you see my dilemma?"

"Yes,  of course I can...Is this why you are talking to me, because you don't want to wake up?"

"You're all I have."

"...It's time for you to wake up now."